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| Wednesday, August 29, 2007 |
This is how I want my autopsy report to read:
SUBJECT: Ricky Borba
DATE OF DEATH: November 24, 2032
LOCATION: Marriott Hotel, Room 333, Sacramento, CA
CAUSE OF DEATH: m & m's and whopper jr.-induced heart attack, possible ranch dressing asphyxiation
NOTABLES: Subject had left hand on XBOX 720 controller and right hand on "mace windu" lightsaber . Subject's buttocks was in a chicken carbonara sandwich from "Quiznos". Written on walls of hotel room in ketchup or other tomato-based condiment was "OH REALLY?!" sixteen times. Thirty-three pounds of food (mostly meat and dairy, though also a picture frame, a bicycle tire, a showerhead and $68,000) found in subject's impacted bowels. Shaved into subject's chest hair were words "I"m awesome".
AWESOMENESS OF DEATH: 9.8 out of 10 |
| posted by
Ricky
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3:46 PM
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wow.