ricky borba = christian hitman

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Monday, January 01, 2007

I hate 2007. Let's recap new years eve 2006-07:

1. Get lost inside the gated community right when we get there.

2. Nicki gets sick within 20 minutes of arrival.

3. I have to go to the store to get my "girlie drinks", within minutes of finally arriving after being lost.

4. I get back to the house house, Nicki is worse. She goes to vomit.

5. Minutes later, Kayla is screaming while her diaper is being changed. A sign of things to come...

6. Kayla screams bloody murder as soon as we put her down for bed. About 10 minutes later, I go to the room and spend the next 20 minutes calming her down to the point where she can fall asleep.

7. Nicki tries to give it the ol' college try, but decides to "go lay down for a bit".

8. About an hour and a half after Kayla and Nicki are both asleep, we start playing "asshole". Minutes later, after a thunderous round of laughter from our table, Kayla screams bloody murder.

9. I go into the room and take Kayla. Toni, Tiffany, and myself all spend time trying to calm her down. Finally, after about 30 minutes, we are able to get her to fall asleep again upstairs in Quinn's future room.

10. 15 minutes later, Adam Smith, starts shooting bottle rockets off in the driveway, mere feet away from the window of the room Kayla is in. We've reached Defcon 4 with Kayla.

11. What seems like hours and hours is spent trying to calm Kayla down again. Once again, multiple people try and console her and calm her. I finally get her to sleep in my arms, then place her in her crib at the top of the stairs so she is away from the window.

12. Midnight. Uneventful. Nicki is worsening. We decide to stay the night instead of drive back to Manteca. We did not prepare for this turn of events, and have no toothbrushes, or any other item we will need in the morning.

13. Dana finally starts making the brownies she bought. Finally, a little something goes right for Ricky on new years.

14. The "little something that goes right" is short lived, as soon as Adam Smith dumps about 4 pounds of marijuana in the brownies. No brownies for Ricky.

15. Around 3AM everyone goes to bed and I am extremely looking forward to the guest bed I am about to sleep in. Upon entering the room, Nicki is doubled over, and runs to the bathroom to vomit again. It's at that point it's decided she would probably be better off sleeping alone in the bed. She gives me her blessing to sleep on the couch so she can have all the room she needs.

16. After searching for minutes in the dark, I find that the chair with the recliner is vacant. I then find a blanket that was obviously made for a tiny midget. Starting at my feet, it comes up to my knees. Life is great.

17. I fall asleep for what seemed like seconds, when in actuality, it was more like 30 minutes. My neck is killing me from the position I am in in the recliner, and I'm cold.

18. I decide to move to the narrow, slippery leather couch, with my mini blanket.

19. I'm so tired that I can't even fall asleep. It doesn't matter however, because about 20 minutes later, I hear what sounds like 50 pound weights being dropped in the room above me. The stairway lights go on. I'm confused, tired, hungry, scared, and cold. Surprisingly, Kayla doesn't wake up, so I close my eyes again.

20. When minutes later I hear the same sounds, and see the lights go on again. I walk upstairs, to find Adam Smith, in his boxers, his hand in Kayla's crib, mumbling the same phrase over and over again. Something to the effect of "ifuckinghaveyounow". He must have said it 20 times. I ask him what he's doing, but I could have been talking to a wall at that point. He's gone. He literally jogs in place for about 20 seconds, then goes back to bed. Surreal.

21. Tiffany and I share a look with each other as if to say "what the fuck is going on in this house right now?" Alex, still sleeping, farts.

22. I go back downstairs and get my napkin blanket, come back upstairs and lye down next to Kayla's crib. I'm so worried Adam Smith is going to come out of his room with a chainsaw, or a gun, or both, that I do not fall asleep.

23. About an hour later, Stacey gets up to get a bottle for Quinn or something, and kicks me in the head as she walks by. So far, 2007 is the best year EVER.

24. As Stacey makes her way back upstairs, she forgets to close the bedroom door, allowing me to hear coughing, babies, and Matt Smith mumbling.

25. Around 6:30, and with a grand total of about 25 minutes of sleeping for the entire night, Kayla wakes up in her crib and starts playing. Perfect.

26. I walk downstairs, go to Nicki's room, and she is not any better. I tell her its almost 7am and that Kayla is up. Nicki nurses Kayla quickly as I sleepwalk through the house gathering our items. I go back to the room, and Nicki needs me to relieve her so she can vomit again.

27. Minutes later, Kayla is crying again as we put her in the carseat. I'm tired, still hungry, confused, irritated, annoyed, really really tired, and not looking forward to driving back to Manteca.

28. Our windshield is frozen. I go back into the house, fill up the water bottle with water, defrost the windshield, and drive through the dense fog back to Manteca. Nicki doesn't vomit in the car, but she does as soon as we arrive.

29. I finally get to go to bed around 9am when my mother wakes up and relieves me of my Kayla duty.

30. I wake up at 11:30am in a panic for some reason. And realize I need to get home because I have to work tomorrow. I leave the daughter and wife in Manteca, because they are both sleeping when I get up.

I can't wait for 2008.

posted by Ricky @ 7:26 PM

4 Comments:

At 1/02/2007 03:56:00 PM, Marla Bean said…

Nice. You're having my 2001 - except I didn't have a vomitty wife and ever-waking baby. Chin-up! Blink and it will be 2008.
At 1/05/2007 06:45:00 AM, Beth said…

You seriously crack me up!