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| Sunday, November 20, 2005 |
Nicki and I went to a marriage conference.....
I'm thinking that I may take two separate blog posts to get all of the information from this weekend out. First reason is that I'm tired, and have to get up early for my new job. (Please God don't make me work there much longer.) Great people, great company, just not a fit for me. Second reason I'm going to do this in two posts is because there are a ton of things I want to say, but don't feel like writing a lot right now.
So then, I will just write out the things that really stuck out to me. I'll save the outline version for the second post, and just post the phrases and things that stuck out to me, for this post. But before I do this, I really want to take a minute and express my sincere gratitude towards my church. Specifically, my Pastor, Paul McGovern, and Jackson and Janelle Perdue. Without them, we wouldn't have gone this weekend, and without them, we wouldn't have been able to go this weekend. When I got home from work Friday, Nicki and I had a care package, complete with maps to our hotel, books for us to read together later, a letter of encouragement, a few other things and a lot of cash. A lot of cash. The envelope said "This is for gas, and a nice night out." That blew me away. A lot of churches and church friends talk about serving, and what it is to help others out, but this went above and beyond any of that. Nicki and I are both very blessed to have Jackson, Janelle and Paul in our lives. Thank you thank you thank you.
Okay. Seriously, now I'm going to hit you with my highlites. And please, these are how I interpreted what I heard. The speakers their may have not even intended these things to mean this way, but this is what I heard and took away. And, the way I heard them and interpreted them may not be how you would. I'm just saying, this is how I heard them. Oh, and by the way, I think it's really awkward, especially at a marriage conference, when the speaker says something like "Wives you should do this", or, "Husbands you should do this" and then the husband or wife looks at their spouse and says "Yeah, see". Man that was awkward ALL weekend.
Change your motivation for being married. Why are you married? Feelings, sexual attraction, cultural or family pressure, escape? If you answer yes to any one of those, you need to make an adjustment. And no, that adjustment is not divorce or separation. Just because you feel like getting divorced, or feel like separating, or feel like anything else, doesn't mean anything. Feelings have an IQ of zero.
Get rid of the 50/50 mentality. How do you know when your spouse has met you half way? You can't. AND, no matter if you are doing 10% or 50% in your mind, you're doing 100% of that 10% or 50%. Lose that mentality.
When you focus on yourself in your marriage, that's what you'll end up with.
The worlds idea for marriage is not what God intended. God wants your marriage to be inter-dependent. Not independent.
Plenty of men would love to date your wife, so why don't you?
Your spouse is not your enemy. \
Be a peace-maker. Not a peace-faker. Don't brush things under the rug and pretend everything is alright. If something is bothering you, talk about it in love and respect.
When the bible says the husband is the head of the household, that means that the husband is accountable. Not, that the husband is the boss, or the husband rules with an iron fist.
Make a list of 4 or 5 things you love about your wife.
List all the things about your wife that you consider weaknesses and problems. Then, next to those weaknesses and problems, list some weaknesses and problems you'd want her to have instead. What's that you say? You'd rather just have her not have any weaknesses or problems? Well, if that's your train of thought, then what you need is a PERFECT person. Here's a hint: They don't exist.
Love is based on an act of the will, not passing feelings. If you don't FEEL like loving, or FEEL like doing something, DO IT ANYWAY.
We as husbands need to learn to carry the burdens our wives carry. Help them of course, with them, but learn to be sympathetic to what burdens them.
Being a Christian husband does not = being passive. Don't blow off your responsibilities. Be firm, and take care of business.
If you're failing in a limited sphere of responsibility and blessings, God is not going to increase those responsibilities and blessings.
When it comes to children, YOU are the most important minister your children will ever have. Not their pastor, not their teacher, etc. You.
Try to feel the hurtings of your spouse, instead of hurting the feelings of your spouse.
Protest what's wrong in your marriage, protect what's right.
You wouldn't want anyone else to tear your wife down or hurt her(mentally, physically, emotionally, etc.) So why are you?
It was by perseverance that snails made it to the ark. Marriage takes perseverance.
Relate to your spouse in whatever way will please Christ.
You may have had nothing to do (or no say) with your heritage, but you have everything to do with your legacy.
A Christian home is not a home that Christians live in. A Christian home is a home where Christ lives.
If you say you are married to the wrong person, you're basically saying "God messed up".
If you're making your marriage and family life better without including Christ in that process, you're only making the trip to hell more comfortable.
So those are the little nuggets I wrote down. Not all of them you may agree with. And that's okay. Like I said, those are the things that stuck out to me. I needed to hear those things. And just because I went to this conference does not mean that my marriage is automatically fixed and everything is fine. Marriage is something you have to work on moment by moment, not day by day. And I guess the biggest thing I learned is this, that I am responsible for what my children will know of marriage and love and dedication and perseverance and all of those things. If I don't show affection to my wife, then it's more likely that my son or daughter won't show affection to their spouse. If I throw the towel in on my marriage, not only will my child have to choose which parent to be with on the Holidays and all of those things, but they will most likely follow in my footsteps when the going gets tough. God made Adam and Eve. They were sinless at first. By the time they had Cain and Abel, both Adam and Eve had sin in their lives. And with Cain and Abel, just one generation later, one generation later with sin, Cain killed Abel. Sin is ugly, and it's serious. And the only way to combat sin is to have a personal relationship with Jesus.
I feel like writing more, but I'm not. I'm tired. And like I said, I have to go to my new job that I hate in the morning. Yay me.
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| posted by
Ricky
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7:45 PM
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| 2 Comments: |
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Sounds like you took back a lot of good stuff, dude. I hope you guys had a good time - and it's a good start. I'm glad you guys took the time to go down there, way to be duder.
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Glad to hear this. Awesome.
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Sounds like you took back a lot of good stuff, dude. I hope you guys had a good time - and it's a good start. I'm glad you guys took the time to go down there, way to be duder.